371: Mental Health, Sobriety, & Addiction Awareness w/ Joe Mendez CMAA Chair

Transcript

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Look, this is an issue that's so prevalent in our industry.

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Hospitality has the highest rate of addiction and alcoholism of any industry.

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We are individuals who burn hot on a regular basis.

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We run and run and run and run and stress, and stress and we go, and we go, and we go and, as you said, people turn to.

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I'm going to have a drink when I go home to unwind and for some people that turns into more than a drink and bigger of an issue.

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And our frontline staff it's a huge problem.

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I think we all recognize that.

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You know folks who you know wait tables and bartend for a living.

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Sometimes there's a component to that fast cash that's drawn to them, that draws them to that space, because they have some thing they're trying to support and they need money every day to maintain it.

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And so I think the fact that we are willing to talk about it and are willing to bring it out in the forefront and I see more and more and more of my colleagues talking about either themselves or somebody that worked with them, that they helped and realized, holy mackerel, this is a much bigger issue than I thought and I had no idea how to deal with it.

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I think the more we can talk about that and the more we can bring it to light, the better off we all are.

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Hey everyone, welcome to the Private Club Radio Show podcast, the industry source for news, trends, updates and conversations all in the world of private golf and country clubs.

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And today we're going a little bit deeper.

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I would say we go a little bit deeper.

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On today's show I'm chatting with Joe Mendez, who's a CMAA chair, and he's sharing his journey in the hospitality industry and his experience and opening up with his sobriety and just mental health and mental health awareness in general.

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And we go over and talk about the challenges of managing and working in clubs, the importance of support networks and the prevalence of addiction and alcoholism in the industry.

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So he talks about how he started up the sober managers meetings at conferences which I just found out about a couple of months ago which I thought was fascinating.

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This really brought light to me was right before conference.

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I noticed there was this for the club managers and I thought you know, I didn't even put two and two together of how difficult it might be for someone in recovery starting to go through the process, whatever they're doing, to be in Vegas of all places.

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I was like, oh, my goodness, so it was great to.

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When I, when I saw that, I was like that is such a great outlet, a great resource to have, not just at conference, where you know he talks about how it's just.

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You know, alcohol is prevalent and substances they are just everywhere and how difficult it could be.

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And really, at the end of the day, his biggest point is, you know, emphasizing the need to have open conversations about mental health, mental health awareness, mental health awareness, wellness in the industry and the him coming on and opening up.

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Before we get to it, a quick note from some of our show partners, a quick thank you and if you're interested in learning more, some of our show partners, let them know that you reached out because you're hearing them here on Private Club Radio.

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Let me know still booking some fall dates as well as 2025.

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And be sure to catch me on the mike huckabee show.

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Uh on fox.

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Uh on august 3rd and 4th.

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So excited to be on there.

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But private club radio listeners, let's welcome to the show.

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Joe mendez how's?

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your day going.

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Met a guy to do some flooring work in the house and then went to the gym got a shower at the gym daily right yeah, I try to be so it's about I've been slipping on that lately, so this is kind of a good opportunity to get back to it accountability.

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Now, if you're going to be hearing this and seeing you go in the gym, well, no, because you, because we're, we're, we're, we're friendly on social.

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So I see you post on on there going to the gym and staying healthy, healthy, staying active.

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It it's important, especially the older, we get the bounce back's a little bit better.

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But yeah, you have quite the career, quite the career in hospitality.

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What got you hooked into the hospitality world?

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Yeah, so my story's different than most.

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I started school, college out of high school, as an accounting major, had a child very young and wound up working in a gas station and became an auto mechanic.

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And I got tired of being on my feet for 12 hours a day.

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So I went to go back to school for accounting and got a job in a restaurant, fell in love with hospitality, changed my major to hospitality, got involved with CMA as a student while at Widener, went to work at the Union League for a while, went back to restaurants, thinking that's where I wanted to be, and realized I missed the CMEA community, the education, the networking, all of those things.

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And got a chance to go to a club and haven't looked back since.

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What's been your favorite part about clubs?

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The network, the friends, the lifetime friends, the ability to call somebody and just dump when you need to, and there's no judgment and nothing but support on the other side.

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What was your first encounter with the CMAA group?

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Do you remember that?

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Yeah, so as a student at Widener.

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It would have been going to an event to volunteer and then every year we hosted a manager's dinner and we'd get 75 or 80 managers and people in the room where we would serve them dinner and they would pay, and that was our big fundraiser.

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To go to conference, so that, and then, of course, two world conferences as a student, so one in Vegas, believe it or not.

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So when I gave my speech as chair, which I became in Vegas, my first ever conference was there as well as a student.

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So I, when I, when I gave my speech as chair, which I became in Vegas, my first ever conference was there as well as a student.

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So it was very serendipitous for me.

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Ooh, gave me the chill, that man that gave me the chill.

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They didn't know that, yeah.

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And then my second was in Atlanta as a student, and then the rest are all as a manager from there.

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What's been some of the hardest parts of managing and working in clubs.

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You get to know people really, really well and sometimes you have to make really hard decisions and you care about them as a person, but it's the right thing for both parties to separate from each other sometimes and, um, that's the hardest thing.

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Now the best part.

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Are we talking like the employee side, the people side, the member side?

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Employee people side.

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But there's there have been a couple of occasions where we had to tell a member they were no longer welcome at the club and that was a challenge as well.

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But the people, the employee side the good part about it is almost every one of those people five to 10 years later has called me back and said that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

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I can't thank you enough.

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So it's rewarding to know that while the decision was unbelievably challenging in the moment and difficult conversations were had, at the end of the day it turned out best for everyone.

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Where did you pick that up?

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Where'd you learn that?

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Has that always been a thing for you?

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Or was it something that you just picked up and it's like, okay, this has to be done?

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I would say I probably have gotten better at making that decision faster than I used to be.

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Probably have gotten better at making that decision faster than I used to be.

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There were years where you respected and cared for a person as a human being and you may have let poor behavior or bad performance go by the wayside and them to stay, and you start to learn that it impacts everybody when that happens by the wayside and them to stay, and you start to learn that it impacts everybody when that happens and it doesn't.

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You know, there's two sides to every relationship and one is a personal side and one is a professional side, and you need to understand that those things are different than each other.

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So I would say I've learned it and I've heard it from enough people over the years that finally, it's like somebody hit me over the head with a hammer enough times I figured it out enough hit you finally.

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All right, I think, I think, I think I'm figuring out what's being put down.

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Uh, so you, you, you brought up vegas and this is where I first wanted to have a chat more along.

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Uh, because I saw you.

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You made a post and it clicked and it it was like a little light bulb went off with me.

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It was like a little light bulb went off with me.

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It was like, oh, like you would.

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It was when you mentioned having a sober manager's meeting at conference.

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If anybody who wants to come, it's early in the morning, we have, you know, we all get together, we have a room.

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It was in that moment and you know, going to Vegas, you know, for me, for conferences, different events, you know, it makes you think for a second like, oh my goodness, that has to be the worst place to be for someone who's in recovery.

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Like to go to a place where it's just that much out there, uh, and to go to a conference, I'm like, oh my goodness, that's, that's wild.

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Um, so that's why I wanted to chat with you is just kind of bring that to light more, uh, cause I love that you were open with it and you've been very open with your story as well.

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So thank you for that.

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But yeah, I wanted to dive in a little bit about that.

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Has that always been a place?

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at the conference that you guys have done.

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So I started in San Diego a couple of years ago, headed the conference.

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I was in a, I guess I would say, a different space in my life at that point in time and realized and remembered how difficult it is to go there, especially when you're by yourself.

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And for me, what happened was I was sober for a period of time and my life outside of work started to kind of go downhill and personal relationships and things like that and I allowed myself to start drinking again and I found that at conference it was easy to get away with it in my room by myself and I was alone and as I was in a better place and kind of going in, I was in therapy and doing all kinds of things.

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I thought you know, there's other people out there like me and if there's someone else they can talk to, maybe they won't sit in a room alone and drink and they'll figure out a way to, you know, change their life.

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So I put a post on LinkedIn out of the blue that just said I know how hard it is, I know what it's like if anybody wants to talk or chat and, lo and behold, we had seven people by the time the conference happened.

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About a month later, we had seven people meet one morning in my hotel room and we all got to know each other and we started a group we call ourselves CMAA, with the AAs capitalized.

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So it's like Alcoholics Anonymous club management, kind of a mixture of that.

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So that's our little moniker for ourselves Anonymous Club Management, kind of a mixture of that, so that's our little moniker for ourselves.

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And we started Zooming with each other and connecting and we got a little bit of traction.

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People started to let other people know about it.

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Friends who knew what was going on told people who maybe needed some help hey, reach out to Joe.

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And then CMA was unbelievably kind and Melissa, they were doing their wellness episode or edition of the Club Management Magazine and said, would you write an article?

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And I said, sure, but I don't want it to be.

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Joe, it should be.

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You know, everyone who's kind of got their foot in the door on this thing should have a right to share.

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So all of us wrote our stories in various ways, or a bunch of us and I submitted them to Melissa and the editor and, lo and behold, they wrote an article and included every one of those stories in that edition of the magazine and we shared.

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We have a Gmail address.

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We call Sober CM for Club Manager, so SoberC cm at gmailcom.

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And we started getting more people reaching out to us.

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Um, and so we have vendors, spouses.

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I now have, uh, people overseas in europe that are part of our group.

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Um and uh, you know, it's just it's growing and growing, and I know that even at we're only 28 of us in the email list.

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We should be, you know, 2,800.

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You know, I know that there are a whole lot more out there that that would like to get sober or that would like some help, and so I've decided that you know, I don't have a whole lot left in this world to to impact other than the opportunity to maybe positively impact somebody else's life.

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I've done everything I wanted to do for myself and I'm in a great place personally, and so so I just started to share and I did that in advance of.

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Cmea has been also generous in that they provide a meeting room for us at conference.

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Now that's available for us every morning.

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So we have a group and we meet in a spot and if somebody wants to get together, they just have to reach out and we'll send them the invitation to where we're going to meet.

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And it's just a free forum, open, hugging, sharing, telling our stories, complaining, whatever that looks like.

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This year we had a spouse come who said it's the first time she had been in the conference since she got sober and she had sent her husband by himself for years because she just didn't want to be around it because it's so difficult.

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Everything there has some level of drinking component to it.

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Right, you're at conference, people are talking about it, people are going out to eat the events, the social, the networking events, all the vendors that host parties and events and cocktail hours in their suites and rooms, and people send alcohol to your room as a gift because they think that's a good thing to do.

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That's what we do in our business, and so it's like it's pounding you in the face and the opportunity to have other people there to talk with about it and to know that there's a great support group and I'm not alone when I'm at conference and I'm not by myself anymore and I'm not fighting the demons in my head alone, that you know there are other people there.

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We're all sharing with each other and supporting each other.

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So that's what happened Then.

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It just keeps growing and this year we have a person from Ireland in our group and now and then we had someone from England show up to our meetings at conference as well.

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So we're excited and I'm going to be speaking at the Canada conference in October and I have an education session on mental health and wellness and sobriety as part of that, and you know, we hope to keep growing the network.

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I mean you are off to a good start.

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I mean thanks, you know, for helping, opening that door and helping a lot of people.

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What's like a first step for somebody who's you know, I don't know the proper word for.

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Is it like?

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How like?

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Is it like?

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How do you know if you need to like what are?

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What is that Cause?

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It's gotta be so difficult in hospitality, in a club setting, where it's so easily accessible as well?

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Um?

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Yeah it's gotta be yeah.

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I would say to you, so I'll go to meetings near me 12 step meetings and you know, people find out what I do for a living.

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They're like I don't know how that?

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You're around that all day, every day.

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And what I would say to them most of the time is the sad reality is, when I look at the membership, there are always some folks who remind me of what it was like when I was still drinking, because there are people who probably should be getting some help.

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And so it's actually a positive for me, because it's a constant reinforcement that I made the right decision in my life.

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As for a first step, you know, in the 12-step program the first step is admitting you're powerless, right.

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So admitting you have a problem, and that really is what it comes down to.

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And so there's no formulaic solution to deciding, you know, this is a problem for me or not, and everybody has their own way of getting to that point.

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But at the end of the day, most of the time it's people get tired of living the way they are and knowing that it's attributable to drinking or some other substance, and they start to seek help to recover from that.

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And so that's the, that's the step and my, my suggestion or encouragement is if you think it's a problem, it probably is.

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And if you look back and you say every time I make a bad decision or something happens to me that is not positive in my life there was alcohol involved or some other substance it's probably a problem.

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But that's everybody's decision, personal to make or not.

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And you know I would never presume to tell somebody you need help.

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But I would always be there if someone reached out and said I need help.

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How do you unwind from a day?

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You know what's your way of decompressing, how do you you know, because for a lot of people it's going to you know that wine, that, whatever it is.

00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:40.883
You know what have you done, what have you learned to change that, and you know where do you put that energy.

00:20:41.934 --> 00:20:42.195
Yeah.

00:20:42.195 --> 00:20:45.885
So for me, exercise is a big thing.

00:20:45.885 --> 00:20:52.769
So my issues are beyond alcohol and addiction.

00:20:52.769 --> 00:20:57.205
I have some depression, anxiety issues as well.

00:20:57.205 --> 00:21:04.828
So I've learned a whole ton of coping mechanisms to deal with when I get into a bad headspace or a tough day.

00:21:04.828 --> 00:21:21.202
A lot of it's just talking to somebody picking up a phone, texting, messaging, whatsapp, whatever that looks like, with someone who knows and understands and is willing to just listen to everything you have to say and not judge you and support you and not try to tell you how to solve the problem.

00:21:21.202 --> 00:21:22.987
Just let you talk through it.

00:21:24.395 --> 00:21:31.719
But I, you know, typically have been driving a little bit of a distance from work to home, and so that drive for me is cathartic.

00:21:31.719 --> 00:21:34.805
That helps me unwind a little bit.

00:21:34.805 --> 00:21:38.156
And, believe it or not, I play.

00:21:38.156 --> 00:21:52.919
Of all things, I still play Candy Crush, but that's my kind of zone out thing on my phone, which I get in trouble with at home sometimes because it's your phone's always in your face and I'm like that's how I, you know, block everything else out and just lose myself.

00:21:52.919 --> 00:21:54.884
The other thing is sports.

00:21:54.884 --> 00:21:55.685
I love sports.

00:21:55.685 --> 00:22:05.035
I love Philadelphia sports, all the teams, and so paying attention to that, talking to my son about sports or my dad about sports are things that I can find.

00:22:05.035 --> 00:22:10.367
And lastly for me, for anybody who knows me, I love to relax with a cigar.

00:22:10.367 --> 00:22:13.701
That helps me, for sure.

00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:16.882
Which kind?

00:22:18.654 --> 00:22:27.201
So my regular is a uh ashton cabinet um, but I don't have any preference in coming at conference in tampa.

00:22:27.201 --> 00:22:51.304
I got a chance in pre-planning to visit the jc newman cigar factory, which is the last remaining active cigar factory in the united states, and they have hand-rolled cigars and one of my committee members one of our committee members for the conference planning was unbelievably generous and when we got back on the bus after the tour had a bag with a box of cigars and as a gift to me of their hand-rolled cigar.

00:22:51.304 --> 00:22:59.018
So they were pretty good, but they're probably a little more expensive than I want to spend on an everyday smoke a little more expensive than I want to spend on an everyday smoke.

00:22:59.038 --> 00:22:59.338
I got you.

00:22:59.338 --> 00:23:02.242
I got you Going back.

00:23:02.242 --> 00:23:15.111
So what do you recommend for maybe you know outside vendors, clients, people like that, instead of sending alcohol to a room.

00:23:15.131 --> 00:23:15.974
What do you recommend?

00:23:15.974 --> 00:23:22.576
You know there are a whole lot of.

00:23:22.576 --> 00:23:24.939
There are a lot of things that people can send gifts, something local to where you are, that they're known for.

00:23:24.939 --> 00:23:33.111
You know, my downfall was I was in Nashville when I was at my bottom, and of course they send bourbon to the room in Nashville, because that's what they do in Tennessee, and whiskey and bourbon.

00:23:33.111 --> 00:23:43.714
So and that was my last drink Right Was in, was in a hotel room in Nashville, and so I would suggest anything.

00:23:43.714 --> 00:23:45.099
Gifts are always nice.

00:23:45.099 --> 00:23:46.796
I think.

00:23:46.796 --> 00:23:58.707
More than anything, people just want to be acknowledged and recognized, and I've gone to rooms and just had a card welcome the conference.

00:23:58.707 --> 00:24:03.586
We can't wait to see you, and to me that's just as important as anything else somebody can send as a gift.

00:24:05.955 --> 00:24:09.546
Look, this is an issue that's so prevalent in our industry.

00:24:09.546 --> 00:24:13.125
Hospitality has the highest rate of addiction and alcoholism of any industry.

00:24:13.125 --> 00:24:19.454
We are individuals who burn hot on a regular basis.

00:24:19.454 --> 00:24:27.423
We, we run and run and run and run and stress and stress, and we go and we go and we go, um, and, as you said, people turn to.

00:24:27.423 --> 00:24:34.086
I'm going to have a drink when I go home to unwind, and for some people that turns into a more than a drink and and bigger of an issue.

00:24:34.086 --> 00:24:37.582
And, uh, you know our frontline staff.

00:24:37.582 --> 00:24:39.266
It's a huge problem.

00:24:39.266 --> 00:24:40.648
I think we all recognize that.

00:24:40.648 --> 00:24:45.726
You know folks who you know wait tables and bartend for a living.

00:24:45.726 --> 00:24:57.599
Sometimes there's a component to that fast cash that's drawn to them, that draws them to that space because they have some thing they're trying to support and they need money every day to maintain it.

00:24:58.961 --> 00:25:19.803
And so I think the fact that we are willing to talk about it and are willing to bring it out in the forefront and I see more and more and more of my colleagues talking about either themselves or somebody that worked with them that they helped and realized, holy mackerel, this is a much bigger issue than I thought and I had no idea how to deal with it.

00:25:19.803 --> 00:25:25.086
I think the more we can talk about that and the more we can bring it to light, the better off we all are.

00:25:25.086 --> 00:25:35.925
You know, for me, right, it's not just this, it's mental health, wellness, and you know we can go whatever direction you want.

00:25:35.925 --> 00:25:45.369
Of course, my story involves, as I said, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt that someone had to stop me.

00:25:45.494 --> 00:26:15.819
So I, you know, I think that if we're not recognizing these things and these issues with the people we work with every day our families, our work families and we're not doing everything we can to help them and support them, then you know I said this on, I forget what it was, but you know, if we're not doing what we can to allow the people that we work with to be the best versions of themselves and we're not doing everything we can to help them get there, then we fail as leaders.

00:26:15.819 --> 00:26:22.364
And it's not about bottom line results, it's about putting people in the position to be the best versions of themselves.

00:26:27.037 --> 00:26:27.699
That was really good.

00:26:27.699 --> 00:26:37.184
Thank you so much for sharing, right, yeah, yeah, I don't know how to top that, I think that's.

00:26:37.184 --> 00:26:41.119
I think that's good, I think that's good.

00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:49.114
Thank you so much for being on the show, for opening, for sharing.

00:26:49.114 --> 00:26:51.922
If anybody wants to reach out, I would assume you're you're open for communication.

00:26:51.922 --> 00:26:54.548
I know you mentioned was it a club?

00:26:54.548 --> 00:26:57.538
Sober, sober, gm, cm.

00:26:58.000 --> 00:26:58.721
CM CM club GM.

00:26:58.721 --> 00:27:02.174
Cm CM for Club Manager yeah, or.

00:27:02.194 --> 00:27:04.943
Club Management Sobercmcom or Sobercm at gmailcom.

00:27:05.424 --> 00:27:05.705
Correct.

00:27:05.705 --> 00:27:13.406
They can send an email there, they can reach out to me on LinkedIn or they can call or text me.

00:27:13.406 --> 00:27:20.044
I'm happy to have my cell phone at 6 1 0, 4 0, 5, 5 1 6, 6.

00:27:20.044 --> 00:27:26.201
It's always on, always open, and uh, I'm here for anybody, any time of the day or night, any day of the week.

00:27:28.215 --> 00:27:31.345
We appreciate you very much, sir, thank you, thank you.

00:27:31.345 --> 00:27:37.979
Thank you, joe, so much for coming on opening, sharing and um doing this for everybody.

00:27:37.979 --> 00:27:38.619
Thank you.

00:27:38.619 --> 00:27:43.443
If you'd like to connect more, like you said, you can find him on LinkedIn.

00:27:43.443 --> 00:27:51.229
You can email sobercm at gmailcom and you can rewind, get his phone number.

00:27:51.229 --> 00:27:55.492
He's always available to help, whatever If you're enjoying the content.

00:27:55.492 --> 00:28:00.419
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00:28:00.419 --> 00:28:02.022
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00:28:02.022 --> 00:28:02.905
That's this episode.

00:28:02.905 --> 00:28:05.345
Until next time, catch you all on the Flippity Flip.